Honestly, I am so excited. I’ve been planning my wedding since I was 12 haha! There’s so much to be done! I can’t wait to get it over! So I will be Mrs. ______ secret! Will not say anything else until its there. I don’t want to jinx it. I’m getting married! Hmmm does this mean I’ll have to change this blogs name too? Hmmmmm….. let’s see! Soon soon soon! But not too soon enough.

Now I can ask my hubby to be what is a tascam cd-rw900sl that I need to fix my PC. Haha!

You can call me a shallow person in so many ways I love them both in different levels. One I love coz I don’t have to feel ashame when we are together because we look good together, the other I love because he has loved me more than any other man can ever love me, he can back up his words with actions bit I feel less of me and less proud of being around him because of our age difference and looks.

But what does matter most? Looks? Money?jj

Yes, I miss you but now I know I’m almost over you. I have accepted the fact that we can’t afford to be with each other.

I wish there was a digital converter for all the hurt I felt and give it all to you as a digital karma but I don’t think you will ever know how much it pains me to let us go.

I’ll get married soon to someone who loves me more than I love him. I think that will be the best for me.

If you let me choose now between love or money, I’ll choose money, because money can make me happy and love only hurts.

Farewell.

I just got out of a relationship and it still hurts. Some said I should take my time and let the pain of breaking up cease before I go dating. While some said I should go out and find the one who can really make me happy. I has been 7 years since I was held hostage by the past relationship they said, its time for me to move on.

They asked me to take a look at the top dating sites worldwide, maybe something will work out for me there. But seriously, I don’t ever wanna go back to finding love online, it just hurt so much. Also I don’t know how I could ever be nice to people online anymore I don’t think I can ever do the same things again with someone else.

My friends were giving me some online dating guide for reference. I’m not sure how these things work and if my character and experience will get me to follow them. I’m just too hurt right now.

I’m also worried that this will just be a rebound relationship. I don’t think its good to use someone to heal a broken heart but it does take your mind away from the one that hurt you.

Seriously, I wanna grok offline and whoever comes here to see me and become serious with me and can come to get me or be with me as often as he could, then I’ll jump ship.

At least the online thing is cut to minimal and we will see each other as often as we can. Unlike this relationship I ended recently, we only saw each other once. After 7 years. Yeah, stupid of me. But damn, I fell in love online. I have built dreams and hopes with this person online. I guess even in online relationships there’s this 7 year itch thing. I don’t know if we ever get past this together or we will outgrow each other eventually.

I think I should use my head more often and not my heart. We will see.

If women don’t control their men, they will go astray and they will fool around as often as they can because you don’t mind it. It gives them room to cheat and disrespect you. I don’t care if they think they are being put on a leash, heck, tell them you are just giving them a titanium bracelets for men because you don’t want them to slip away. Unless you are one of their meantime girls they will make a big deal out of it.

I am very much injured. My heart is numb of pain now. My head is angry and I wish it to stop thinking bad thoughts. My feet still stings. But despite all these pain I have to get over it and try to walk one step at a time , slowly but surely, so I won’t be crippled.for the reat of my life.

I thin this is one of God’s amazing plans. He break is apart, he broke my pc, so we don’t have to be prisoners of a relationship that will go nowhere.

Sigh.

Im injured but awake for a long commatose. From now on I will use my head than my heart in loving someobe. So help me God.

OK. I should stop writing what I’ll miss about him. I should just take it as it is as an adult. Its over and were done with.

I can’t take it anymore and well he’s content with what he got now, all the meantime fun he gets here there and everywhere. If he can’t be exclusive to me I might as well set him free because I can’t find the deserving man if I’m stuck with him.

I just have to learn how to not miss him anymore.

How I wish my love story was the same. That I have a best friend relationship with my guy, but since we are both in love were more than friends, Friends with benefits, all the benefits.

Can love like that really exist? For a few chosen and lucky ones it does, but for us who are stuck in the reality of this life that’s full of pride, it won’t happen.

You can say its a modern fairy tale, with flash mobs and iPad’s and triton wedding bands involved.

It is true that time heals all wounds, the pain of losing him was not as hurtful as it was two years ago although yes, he is still sorely missed. We still think of him and wish he was spending happy times with us but now we know he is much more happier wherever he is because he doesn’t have to deal with the sickness he was trying to battle for so long.

I think he was visiting us today as his signature scent overpowered my room today and some at the living area. My sister smelled it too. Maybe he was just saying hello because his birthday is also a week away from now.

We might take him for a game of golf if he was well and still with us now. I would have fun choosing which golf gps should I buy for dad because I know he likes sports too. He was a good bowler. Oh he would be proud of my silly bowling pin trophy!

Papa, we miss you, wherever you are. I love you.